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Dating Madness - 1 of 5

By Ryan, January 3, 2007

Some of us like to take part in the ancient ritual known to us as New Year’s Resolutions. Every year from 2002 to 2006, I resolved to have a girlfriend sometime by the end of the year. I started hitting on girls, and most of them responded in a way I didn’t want. I’ve gotten the good old-fashioned easy letdown, the punch in the gut, and everything in between. This year, I resolved not to rush into having a girlfriend, and, thanks to a book by Joshua Harris, I have perfectly legit reasoning for such.

1. We often try to skip the part where we’re “just friends”

This zinger probably nailed just about every person in my teenage audience. Even if you have never had a girlfriend, you’ve probably at least looked at a girl you didn’t know very well and thought of her as a potential girlfriend.

The two most common mistakes in this category would begin with the one I just described. The nubmer two most common mistake is along the lines of: “Well, I’ve known her for x number of days. Now I can ask her out.” I’ll be honest; I have been more than guilty of both.

The main difference between being friends and going out, as written by Harris, boils down to one paragraph:

The premise of dating is “I’m attracted to you; therefore, let’s get to know each other.” The premise of friendship, on the other hand, is “We’re interested in the same things; let’s enjoy these common interests together.” If, after developing a friendship, romantic attraction forms, that’s an added bonus.
Harris, Joshua. I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Oregon: Multnomah Publishers, Inc., 1997. (Harris 35)
This philosophy alone makes it sound like waiting awhile makes romance okay. But don’t make the rookie mistake of trying to be “just friends” with that cute girl in your 4th period class* with the ultimate goal of going out with her. You may end up with a friend, but for the wrong reason. You’ll be susceptible to accusations of rushing into things. When you think you’re ready, you run the risk of ruining a perfectly good friendship by adding the awkward factor into it. And even if she says yes, the risk is still there, because in high school, breakups are all but inevitable. You couldn’t make teenage heartbreak suck more if you put a Hoover label on it.

One thing needs to be clear: it’s not wrong to have a girlfriend (unless you happen to be female). It becomes a problem when we let ourselves make irresponsible decisions, which most teenagers try to do. You just have to know what’s right and wrong in a high school dating relationship.

This is the first little lesson in my series of 5. I’m gonna try to do my best to add another one each Wednesday night during the month of January. Without further ado, adieu.

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{ Posted 10:25 PM | E-Mail Post | Edit Post }

Comments: 1

Blogger Ryan:

For the record, I believe the pity date to be the worst thing that a person can do to someone else’s love life. NEVER try it.
January 3, 2007 10:30 PM

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